I just can't see why you don't have a job already

"Hi. Are you hiring? Let me guess: No."
"Actually, we are taking applications..."
"Great. Look, would you mind filling this out, saying I applied for a job? I have to. I'm on probation. It's not what you think though."
"Well, would you like to actually fill out an application? Since you're here?"
"Can I just give you my resume? Then they can just call me...yeah, right...if they want to talk to me about a job. Ha!"