a short conversation with an asshole

6 AM

AH (asshole): So where is the coffee?

Me: The restuarant will be open at 7, and they will be able to serve coffee.

AH: You're kidding. NO coffee! Ughh!

Me: No, not until 7am.

AH: So there is no where down here I can get any.

Me: NO, the kitchen opens at 7am.

AH: Well. That is ridiculous. *makes stupid noises*

(The AH paces around the lobby looking down the hallway and around like I was lying to him and the coffee is just around the corner)

AH: Well, is there anywhere I can get some.

Me: Yes, a few blocks away there is a ______ coffee shop, I can give you directions.

AH: Well how FAR is it! Like really far away?

Me: No, about five blocks.

AH: What is that supposed to mean??

Me: It's five blocks away. From the hotel.

(I then take out the map and count the blocks, because I know this will annoy him)

AH: No, like how long does it take to get there. Where Iiiiiiiiii come from the blocks are really big, and it takes longer. And I can't believe YOU don't serve coffee in the morning.

Me: About 10 minutes, at the most to walk.

The AH walks away and I throw up the bird behind his back. It's those kind of people that deserve nothing but miserableness in their life, which is why I don't feel bad he is staying in this dump and I hope someone farts in his coffee.